Holistic Life Coaching for Women's Spiritual and Mental Wellbeing
I help empower women to know their strength, claim their truth, and live boldly.
Let’s be honest, sometimes we just want a yes or no answer. A divination coin is a great tool for getting this insight. I use this coin (see photo) alongside my tarot cards because together they give me a clear, yet more detailed, understanding into your inquiries. I’m looking forward to connecting more with you and showing off more BTS (behind the scenes) - Jess
To answer the question are we born bad: no and yes. It’s complicated.
Several years ago, when I was in grad school, the class discussed whether people are born bad or if they’re made bad by circumstances. The discussion also included whether empathy can be taught or whether it’s inherent in the individual
Research shows us some kiddos are born empathetic while others have little to no empathy at all. Empathy can be taught, to a degree, and it’s called cognitive empathy, where individuals learn how to take the perspective of others in prosocial ways through learning facial expressions and body language, then inferring emotion based off their observations. Research also tells us that the brain biology of no/low-empathy individuals is different from the brain biology of those where empathy is more inherent (see sources for more details)
Teaching kids how to empathize, set their own boundaries and respect others boundaries is really important for them to thrive later on as adults. Their teaching can’t be done by people who also can’t set boundaries or empathize (which is why individual healing is so important). Let’s widen the scope — it’s harder to teach and be empathetic in a society that perpetuates an overly independent framework + devalues emotions/emotional expression
The argument I have in this post is the important of nature and nurture — we need both + whole lot of social change
Growing up I heard, “you’re born evil” and “you’re born a sinner”. Those statements were backed up with finger pointing toward emotions such as jealousy, anger, laziness and actions such as little lies to large ones like murder. This explanation of human behavior set me up for a long struggle of confusion and self-doubt because I viewed all my emotions as a flaw. I had a belief that emotions were bad and the “scary ones” should be kept deep down or else they’ll take over and I’ll be a “bad” person or a “sinner”
Even without a religious lens, people think they’re inherently broken, bad, and “unfixable”. If this belief goes unchanged there are a series of unhelpful and even life long damaging behaviors that follow it. This is why teaching lovability and showing lovability is so, so important — to counteract the impact of negative self belief/self talk
WHAT SOCIETY NEEDS:
Education and understanding of the purpose of emotions
To divorce themselves from the ideas of sin and imperfection because it perpetuates negative core beliefs and creates toxic shame
A more holistic lens of the human condition
Compassion, because even with all the advantages and care in the world some kiddos will still suffer
Further support invested in early childhood mental and emotional education, both in homes and in schools
Additional funding for programs that provide education, support, and resources
Better interventions and disciplinary programs for kiddos, with better programs comes better functioning kiddos (that turn into functioning adults)
WHAT FAMILIES NEED:
Child development education. Kiddos have certain needs at certain stages and to ignore their needs can set them on a poor trajectory
Attunement, because not all babies have the same brains and/or develop in similar ways. Attunement can be learned, it’s not always natural so parents that struggle to understand their kiddos and the needs of their kiddos should have access to support and education too
Easier access to ongoing support and resources, this includes in homes and schools not just community care
Compassion, because even with parents who have the best intentions and resources their kiddos can still suffer
WHAT YOU NEED:
To try your best
The tools and resources to expand your own emotional literacy
The tools and resources to teach your little ones emotional literacy and empathy
A break, because raising kids is hard as hell
I’m not saying you should put the weight of the world on your shoulders to figure out these problems but I do ask you consider what you have control over. You can be loving parent that turns towards you kiddo(s) with curiosity. You can play an active role in your kiddo(s) lives to show them support. You can remind your kiddos that, even if they struggle to relate to others, there is hope for them to have connections and a good quality of life.
To wrap up - we are simply born into this chaotic world with a brain we didn’t choose, to parents we didn’t choose, on land we didn’t choose..and we’re just trying to survive. Most of us aren’t born with empathic deficits and all of us are born worthy of love.
ILYSM,
Jess
Sources:
An fMRI study of affective perspective taking in individuals with psychopathy: imagining another in pain does not evoke empathy. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnhum.2013.00489/full
Antisocial behavior in children with and without callous-emotional traits. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3360537/
Antisocial personality as a Neurodevelopment Disorder. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29401045/
Cognitive Empathy in Subtypes of Antisocial Individuals. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2021.677975/full
Core Beliefs. https://www.foundationforchange.org.uk/core-beliefs-1-handout
Hello, Spooky babes
Budget friendly ways to stay weird 🤘🏼
For some of us, spooky isn’t just a season — it’s a lifestyle.
In this post I’m going to outline a few ways you can embrace your inner weird without spending a ton of money. Take what resonates and leave the rest!
Explore forms of divination. Obviously I’m going to recommend the tarot because I’m in love with it, however I know tarot doesn’t resonate with everyone. Try a Ouija Board, Pendulum, Runes…just dabble and see what you like. Prayer and meditation can also be used to divininate and/or connect to yourself/your higher self
Read folklore from places around the world. All countries have their eerie stories and learning about global lore embodies cultural competency and magic at the same time. It’s a win-win
On a similar note — read scary books! Scifi and fantasy are great places to take yourself to give you the heebie-jeebies. I recommend to start with the King, Stephen King. However, there are hundreds and thousands of authors in the horror/mystery/psych-thriller genre that will have a book to match your prefered nightmare fuel
Ambiance is important. One of my favorite Youtube channels is The Dead of Night for ASMR vibes. I love a rain, crackling fire, howling wind situation in the atmosphere. I also have an entire Harry Potter ASMR playlist with potions bubbling, feathers writing on paper and soft chatting of Hogwarts classmates. If that’s not your thing no worries because there are many other choices on pretty much any streaming platform
Music…where to begin? If it makes you feel spooky then it’s a winner! Whether you’re blasting your music or keeping the volume soft, adding sound will help you embody your inner menace and keep your spirits (or the spirits around you) alive
Movies, movies, movies! Take a few hours out of the week to watch classics like Nosferatu and Dracula. The amount of old-school and new horror movies is truly insane, it won’t be hard to find a movie that fits your vibe. Make scary movies a weekly/monthly event with friends/fam or if you’re brave enough — a solo activity 😉
True crime podcasts are popular, however, I want to cater to the sensitives out there that prefer a different way to staying spooky than diving in to real-life blood and gore. There are other types of horror! Stick to fiction. A few podcasts to start with are NightLight, the No Sleep Podcast, and Psuedopod
Decor! Omg, please — with endless dollars my entire house would be insanely spooky but alas I have a budget. There are plenty of ominous dust collectors you can buy/make for your home, car, office and even keep in your bags/purses. Whether you want to be subtle or bold you’ve got options and thrift stores can be a great place to start. A little black spray paint goes a long way on old lamps, vases, and even furniture
Wear outfits/accessories. You don’t have to dress in all black to live the spooky lifestyle! Using different textures and combining them with all types of accessories is a great way to add a little eeriness to your look. I have a custom necklace that says, “Bruja” (witch) and I wear it everyday, it was under $15.00 from Amazon. I also love a good spider ring/necklace. Check out your local thrift stores and get creative. Adding paint, cutting holes, ripping…all of this can add a unique flair to you look without breaking your budget
All this being said, a spooky lifestyle is really just a state of being and you don’t need any of the extra stuff to define you but if you’re interested I hope this blog post helps you jump start your day-to-day ghoulishness.
Until we chat next take good care of yourself: hydrate, rest, laugh, sex it up, eat well and breathe deeply. I love you.
— Jess
October 1st is here!
I’m super excited for the changes happening, not only in the weather but also the energy. There’s something really special about October, just after the fall equinox the energy seems to shift and feel welcoming.
I don’t know how this year has been for you but for me - it’s been brutal. There have been so many wonderful changes and also so many emotions. I’ve been anxious, depressed, angry, excited, motivated…just all the feelings.
Not that a new season is going to completely make any emotions shift but the energy around me (us) already feels better, more supportive, open and potent.
My intention for October is to make space - I have a few house projects to work on and I’m excited to decorate + clear out clutter. I’ve packed my summer clothes and put them away. In my recipe queue I have soups and stews. There’s a lot of simplicity to look forward to and having space to enjoy it is my primary goal.
As we go further into October — ask yourself what you need, what you want, and how you can get it.
I’m hoping to continue reading good books and getting even cozier on my couch, with my dog Toro.
Until we chat next take good care of yourself: hydrate, rest, laugh, sex it up, eat well and breathe deeply. I love you.
— Jess